Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Cluttered

Do you ever feel like your head is just so cluttered that it is going to explode? Your brain is on complete overload and there are a bazillion and one thoughts floating through so fast that you just can't comprehend them all. That is how I have been feeling lately. My brain is on overload. The thoughts are fluttering through my head so fast that I just don't know which one to deal with first. So I come here and write them down. Writing the thoughts down helps me process them, categorize them, and file them in the appropriate category. Some of my thoughts lately have to do with projects I need to work on or finish up (so that way I can start new projects). Other thoughts have been about things I need to get done around the house. Why is it that our homes go so quickly from being clean to a total disaster area in about 5 minutes when it took an entire day to clean it all? I guess that it is a sign that my home is well loved and that people are having fun in it, but sometimes the quick turn around time from clean to disaster zone just overwhelms me. Anyway... Many of the other thoughts fluttering through my brain are related to situations that don't involve me directly, but rather indirectly. Great coded sentence, eh? Anyway the situations are things that I am an outsider looking in on and I have opinions about them, but there is really, truly nothing I can do, should do, or say about the situation. Guess they are kind of situations where I know what I would do if it were happening to me type of things (or at least I like to think I would know what to do if it were my situation). These situations and thoughts about them sit in my brain while I wait to see what will happen and what the people directly involved in them will choose to do. I guess that all the thoughts running through my head feel like a list that just keeps constantly scrolling over and over until I deal with each item on the list (or lie awake in the middle of the night processing each item on the list). Ultimately, it is up to me what I choose to do with each item on my thought list/scroll. I have to decide what to do with it - is it something I need to complete, is it an idea that I need/want to develop, is it someone else's issue that I don't need to be involved in, etc. I can choose what I want to do with the thought list and how I want to approach it. I can do something about each item or I can ignore them and just let the thoughts continue to build until I get completely overwhelmed. Let me tell you, me overwhelmed is just not pretty or who I want to be. Me overwhelmed makes me irritable, crabby, unhappy, unpleasant, and just not a nice person. I would rather deal with the items on the fluttering thought list but I know that by myself I am not a match for the list. It will definitely win at overwhelming me. So lately before I start tackling the thought list and helping it work its way from my head to real paper so that I know what to work on without forgetting something, I start praying. I know that by myself, I will never get everything done that I need to get done and I will never not be able to not worry about my loved ones and friends, but with God ALL things are possible and He will take my fears and worries away while strengthening me and giving me the energy I need to tackle the list I can do something about. I find myself praying much of the day when I am working on tasks, ideas, and projects. I pray for the people in my life and the situations they are in. I pray for wisdom and guidance for when to open my mouth and when to just keep it shut. I pray for God to lead me through my day and for Him to help me be a light to the world around me. All the praying helps me keep my head focused on God, rather than the run away train of random, fleeting thoughts. It helps me keep it all in perspective and know that while the list of thoughts threatends to overwhelm me and overtake me, God is in control and for me that is a beautiful thing.
 "I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me." Phillippians 4:13 
 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

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